::(blank):: / Wednesday, March 07, 2007
you know i can't deny the fact that i am sad. sad, not depressed. not depressed: the state where you feel like dying for a long long time. well, yeah.
you know why people are sad? because normally, they just can't reach a compromise and they aren't happy with the way things work themselves out.
and yepp, i'm not happy with anything right now. my seating arrangement, some people, the stress, and some other stuff which would not be said in this blog.
my seating arrangement. it's very saddening..to me. everytime, i'm just being really fake especially to xxx and yyy. like i don't know why i'm smiling, and how i actually got to force that out. their un-laughable jokes that i pretend to laugh together with. sometimes i don't see why i bother going with them, trying to make them happy.
at least i get some consolence with a few people around that area where i can really laugh and be myself.
when i "migrate" myself during that short 5 minutes period between classes, i feel really free. as if i have just been let out of the cage. i can talk to anyone i like without contorting what i really am thinking. and laughing whenever i like.
and i'm sad to say:
i don't have friends.and i'm not afraid to admit it. because it makes not much a difference. it just lifts a weight and doubt i've been carrying all along. and i finally can come to a decision. that i don't have friends.
sometimes i think i have made a wrong decision. to come to school and make "friends" that don't really exist. sometimes i think if i would be better growing up at home, self-studying, without facing anything on peer-pressure etc.
what's the point of making "friends" when such "friends" only bring you grieve, disturbance, and betrayal?
on a lighter note, i think all scorpios born on this day are cursed.
and i am speaking the truth. but no matter what, scorpios are still nice, and mysterious.
/ihopped at
5:02 AM
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